怎么對(duì)付愛抱怨的同事？
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????老板根本不知道這個(gè)項(xiàng)目有多難。最后期限太不現(xiàn)實(shí)了?？蛻艨彀盐冶漂偭?。什么，又要加班嗎？信息技術(shù)部（或者人力資源部）的蠢貨又壞事了。為何沒人搭理這么簡(jiǎn)單的請(qǐng)求呢？ ????如果你的辦公室里總是有這樣煩人的喋喋不休，別著急，不是只有你這么倒霉。根據(jù)無(wú)線網(wǎng)絡(luò)廣告公司Cloud Nine Media對(duì)1,060名成年員工的最新調(diào)查，約70%的美國(guó)人說，同事中有人總是發(fā)牢騷。其中67%的人承認(rèn)他人不停的抱怨會(huì)影響自己的工作效率。 ????這一點(diǎn)不足為奇。神經(jīng)科學(xué)的最新進(jìn)展讓人們對(duì)持續(xù)的負(fù)面想法如何影響大腦有了更深的了解。研究者早就知道大腦灰質(zhì)極具可塑性，能迅速開始形成新的模式。比如，通過重復(fù)可以加強(qiáng)突觸聯(lián)系，從而建立起回憶、保留信息的能力。 ????現(xiàn)在，使用核磁共振和其它工具的最新研究再次向前推進(jìn)了一步?！柏?fù)面言論會(huì)刺激與感覺和認(rèn)知功能相關(guān)的大腦部位，”連續(xù)創(chuàng)業(yè)家和職場(chǎng)批培訓(xùn)師特雷弗?布萊克指出?！昂苊黠@，持續(xù)暴露于抱怨將會(huì)加強(qiáng)消極思維，而人的行為也會(huì)產(chǎn)生適應(yīng)那些負(fù)面感知的變化?！?/p> ????布萊克的新書《簡(jiǎn)單三步：事業(yè)和生活成功之路》（Three Simple Steps: A Map to Success in Business and Life）中提到了一些最新的研究成果，其中之一由斯坦福大學(xué)（Stanford University）醫(yī)學(xué)院的神經(jīng)學(xué)和神經(jīng)內(nèi)分泌學(xué)教授羅伯特?薩波爾斯基完成。他廣泛研究了壓力對(duì)海馬體的影響，而海馬體能夠連接大腦的其它部位，也是為數(shù)不多能產(chǎn)生新的神經(jīng)元的部位之一。 ????不幸的是，海馬體也對(duì)負(fù)面刺激高度敏感。薩波爾斯基發(fā)現(xiàn)暴露于應(yīng)激源超過30分鐘，比如傾聽某人在辦公室散布惡意流言，就會(huì)導(dǎo)致皮質(zhì)醇水平升高，從而阻斷突觸聯(lián)系、加速細(xì)胞死亡。布萊克寫道，久而久之，反復(fù)的負(fù)面情緒襲擊就會(huì)引起海馬體萎縮，導(dǎo)致“認(rèn)知功能的減退，包括保留信息和適應(yīng)新環(huán)境的能力?！?/p> ????誰(shuí)想變成那樣呢？幸運(yùn)的是，大腦也可以通過培訓(xùn)形成積極的模式，而不僅僅是對(duì)應(yīng)激源做出本能反應(yīng)。布萊克給出了四個(gè)消除負(fù)面影響的小竅門： ????1. 保持清醒。抱怨具有傳染性，如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己陷入和周圍人相同的負(fù)面思維慣性，趕快停止吧。布萊克說：“每當(dāng)負(fù)面想法從腦海中浮現(xiàn)，立刻作出改變。如果你想：‘那件襯衣不錯(cuò)，可是我沒錢買。’這時(shí)不妨換個(gè)想法：‘等我有錢了就把它買下來(lái)，它和我的黑褲子簡(jiǎn)直是絕配?！边@樣就能促進(jìn)“神經(jīng)發(fā)生的過程，在大腦中創(chuàng)造、加強(qiáng)導(dǎo)致積極行為的路徑?！?/p> ????他補(bǔ)充說，每個(gè)人當(dāng)然都會(huì)抱怨，“鐘愛的球隊(duì)輸了。電腦死機(jī)了。最后期限接踵而來(lái)。是個(gè)人都會(huì)時(shí)不時(shí)地抱怨。但是抱怨的次數(shù)越少，負(fù)面情緒之間的間隔就越長(zhǎng)。這樣就能整理好自己的思維方式?！?/p> ????2. 敬而遠(yuǎn)之。布萊克建議，只要可能，就應(yīng)該遠(yuǎn)離負(fù)面對(duì)話。“找個(gè)借口離開，到某個(gè)安靜的去處，最好是有新鮮空氣的室外，”他建議說?！盎厝ブ跋胂胗淇斓氖虑?。你得把這個(gè)當(dāng)回事，因?yàn)樨?fù)面人物能夠、而且一定會(huì)讓你陷入消極思維之中。” ????3. 和平共處。“如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在會(huì)議或是社交場(chǎng)合陷入一群可怕的抱怨者當(dāng)中，請(qǐng)保持沉默，”布萊克說。“想想別的事，把他們的話當(dāng)耳邊風(fēng)。” ????試圖阻止抱怨只會(huì)招人憎恨，引火燒身，他補(bǔ)充道，但你可以在自己的腦海里重構(gòu)這個(gè)討論?！叭绻橙苏f：‘我恨星期一，周末太短暫了?！环猎囍聪蛩伎迹骸液芨吲d在周末得到了休息，我準(zhǔn)備好對(duì)付那個(gè)大項(xiàng)目了?！逼鋵?shí)任何積極的想法都可以，就是要避免陷入別人的牢騷中無(wú)法自拔。 ????4. 金蟬脫殼。“有時(shí)如果實(shí)在躲不開喋喋不休的人，也可以讓他們自己承擔(dān)責(zé)任。你可以平靜地發(fā)問：‘那你打算怎么辦？’”布萊克建議道。“大多數(shù)時(shí)候，愛抱怨的人并不是真的想解決問題，也不是要尋找同情。他們就是要發(fā)泄一下。這樣的戰(zhàn)術(shù)會(huì)讓他們停下來(lái)?！?/p> ????誰(shuí)知道呢，如果你暗示牢騷滿腹的人，讓他們自己想辦法去解決他們（真實(shí)或者臆想出來(lái)的）問題，也許他們就會(huì)放過你，另外找人去傾訴了。如果真是這樣，你的海馬體也會(huì)感激你。 ????反饋：你曾經(jīng)和喋喋不休的抱怨者共事過嗎？現(xiàn)在的同事中有這樣的人嗎？你是如何應(yīng)對(duì)的？歡迎留言評(píng)論。 |
????The boss doesn't understand how tough this project is going to be. These deadlines are totally unrealistic. This customer is getting on my last nerve. What, we're supposed to work late again? Those idiots in IT (or HR, or fill in the blank) have really screwed up this time. Why can't anybody around here follow through on a simple request? ????If the background buzz in your office sounds something like this, you've got plenty of company. About 70% of Americans say they work with someone who's always griping, according to a new poll of 1,060 employed adults by WiFi advertising network Cloud Nine Media. Of that group, 67% admit that being around nonstop complainers sometimes puts a damper on their own productivity. ????And no wonder. Recent advances in neuroscience have turned up some intriguing insights into how a steady barrage of negative thoughts can affect the human brain. Researchers have long known that our gray matter is surprisingly plastic and is quick to begin forming new patterns. Strengthening synaptic connections through repetition, for instance, builds the capacity to recall and retain information. ????Now, studies using MRIs and other tools have taken that one step further. "Negative words stimulate the areas of the brain associated with perceptions and cognitive functioning," notes serial entrepreneur and career coach Trevor Blake. "It's clear that constant exposure to complaints will reinforce negative thinking, and your behavior is likely to change to fit those negative perceptions." ????Consider one of the recent studies Blake cites in his new book, Three Simple Steps: A Map to Success in Business and Life. Robert Sapolsky, a professor of neurology and neuroendocrinology at Stanford University's School of Medicine, has done extensive research on the effect of stress on the hippocampus, which makes connections among other parts of the brain, and is also one of the few regions able to produce new neurons. ????Unfortunately, the hippocampus is also highly sensitive to negative stimuli. Sapolsky found that exposure to a stressor -- such as listening to someone spread a nasty rumor at work -- for more than 30 minutes leads to elevated cortisol levels that hamper synaptic connections and speed up cell death. Over time, Blake writes, repeated bouts of negativity will cause the hippocampus to shrink, resulting in "declines in cognitive function, including the ability to retain information and adapt to new situations." ????Who needs that? Luckily, the brain can also be trained to form positive patterns, instead of merely reacting to stressors. Blake offers these 4 tips for minimizing negativity: ????1.Self-awareness.Complaining can be contagious, so if you find yourself falling into the same mental habits as the malcontents around you, stop yourself. "When a negative thought pops into your mind, immediately revise it. Instead of telling yourself, 'That's a nice shirt, but I can't afford it,' change the message to, 'That will look great with my black pants when I can afford it,'" Blake says. By doing this, you're fostering "the process of neurogenesis -- creating and reinforcing pathways in your brain that lead to positive behaviors." ????Of course, he adds, everyone complains sometimes: "Your favorite team loses. Your computer crashes. Deadlines pile up. It's human to vent now and then. But the less frequently you complain, the more time will pass between lapses into negativity. This is how rewiring the brain works." ????2.Distance yourself.Whenever possible, Blake advises, escape from negative conversations. "Excuse yourself and go somewhere quiet, ideally somewhere outdoors in the fresh air," he suggests. "Think of something pleasant before returning. You have to take this seriously, because negative people can and will pull you into the quicksand." ????3.Don't try to convert complainers."If you find yourself trapped in a toxic group of complainers in a meeting or at a social event, simply choose silence," says Blake. "Let their words bounce off you while you think of something else." ????Attempting to stop the griping may just alienate the group and make you a target, he adds, but you can redirect the discussion in your own mind: "If someone says, 'I hate Mondays, weekends are too short,' try countering that by thinking, 'I'm glad I rested up over the weekend, so I'm ready to make some headway on that big project'" -- or whatever positive thoughts you can conjure up to keep you from getting mentally mired in someone else's whining. ????4.Transfer responsibility."On occasions when you're pressed against the wall while someone is ranting, throw the responsibility back at them by calmly asking, 'So what do you intend to do about it?,'" Blake suggests. "In most cases, complainers don't really want a solution, nor are they looking for sympathy. They just want to vent, and this tactic will stop them in their tracks." ????Who knows, expecting the chronically disgruntled to come up with actual fixes for their (real or perceived) problems may inspire them to leave you alone and find someone else to complain to. If so, your hippocampus will thank you. ????Talkback:Have you ever worked with a constant complainer? Do you work with one now? What did you do about it? Leave a comment below. |
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