過度追求完美不可取，精神會出毛病
Renae Reints
2018-11-17
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勤奮與高標準在美國社會通常是人們所稱道的事情。然而，宣揚完美主義有時候會危害人們的心理健康。 健康的完美主義者“異常努力地工作，以期實現宏偉目標，即便遇到困難，他們也會堅毅地繼續(xù)朝著這些目標前進。”西北大學家庭研究所心理學家、研究生心理輔導項目研究員杰西卡·普萊爾對《財富》雜志說道。 但那些為追求完美主義而走極端的人士，又被稱之為“非適應性完美主義”，他們對失敗有著截然不同的看法。無論是實現學校、工作中的目標，還是個人生活中的目標，任何不夠完美的結果都會給他們造成很大的影響。 普萊爾說：“這些人可能會因為自己沒有實現目標而變得異常沮喪，并開始反思其目標，同時進行異常激烈的自我批評。”此舉可能會導致一系列心理健康問題，包括抑郁、焦慮、強迫癥和飲食紊亂，例如厭食癥。 普萊爾表示：“最糟糕的情況是，完美主義可能會讓人萌發(fā)自殺念頭和意圖。這是一種非常孤獨、痛苦的精神狀態(tài)。” 普萊爾通過其在西北大學的研究工作，致力于呼吁人們關注不適應性完美主義，其表征通常體現為強烈的職業(yè)道德。越來越多的高校學生如今表示，他們出現了一些類似于完美主義的癥狀，后者是社交學習和家長經常性批評雙重作用的產物，而智能手機的出現則加劇了這一問題。 美國心理學學會稱，很多大學生都因為他人對自己過高的期望而倍感壓力，這些學生的數量在1989年至2016年期間增長了三分之一。盡管完美主義者數量在這一年齡段的青年中出現了飆升，但所有人都可能會受到它的影響。 誰會受到完美主義的影響？ 研究顯示，這一問題在律師、醫(yī)生和其他高成就人群中尤為突出，普萊爾說道。 普萊爾說：“那些天生便帶有這種傾向[完美主義]的人士往往會選擇異常嚴謹、具有挑戰(zhàn)性的工作。而且一旦他們從事這類工作之后，周圍的人會向他們傳遞‘要超越自我’，以及‘要更加努力地工作’這樣的正面強化信息。” 普萊爾稱，在不同年齡段中，千禧一代是最有可能受到完美主義負面影響的人群。原因在于，這代人的父母如今可以通過智能手機定位裝置時刻監(jiān)督其子女，而這也讓父母對其子女的行為和學校表現感到焦慮（例如父母會問孩子，為什么呆在寢室里，而不是在圖書館學習）。此外，父母批評子女的次數越多，子女通常會更加努力地去實現目標，以避免再次受到批評。 這一點與整個社會的風氣也有關系。普萊爾表示，人們不應把失敗看作是消極的事情，而是應該學會把錯誤看作是學習過程中的一個自然事件。 她說：“在美國社會，我們一直都在強調職業(yè)道德以及朝著宏偉目標努力奮斗。我認為，一再強調這種觀念反而對當代的年輕人產生了不利影響，而且這種理念的宣傳已經達到了扭曲的程度……我們一直在大肆宣揚，如果完美主義是你一心追求的目標，而且只要你努力工作，它是完全可以實現的——但這只是自欺欺人罷了。” 如果人們此前就存在類似心理問題，那么不良的應對機制也會滋生完美主義。如果你對工作業(yè)績感到焦慮，你可能會增加自己的工作量，甚至達到一種瘋狂的程度。 不健康的完美主義有哪些跡象 除了從事心理咨詢和擔任教授之外，普萊爾還在實驗室研究了完美主義的人際間影響。她指出，非適應性完美主義者不合群的可能性更大，因為他們擔心自己的高標準會成為一種普適標準，而自己的不足之處便會成為人們品頭論足的對象。 他們還有可能出現拖延的現象，由于過于擔心失敗，他們會拒絕開始從事某項任務。 普萊爾說：“在大學階段，這種現象可能表現為學生不交論文，或不參加考試。在職場中，它可能表現為錯過工作的截止日期，或拒絕截止日期，因為從事一項任務并承擔失敗的風險對于他們來說是異常困難的。” 普萊爾稱，另一方面，這些人可能會增加自己的工作量，作為一種“積極應對”的方式。它可能表現為，“一些人會增加自己的工作時長，而且可能是以其健康和自我護理為代價。” 關鍵點在于分辨?zhèn)€人的動機：他們加班的原因是因為自己樂在其中，還是因為他們試圖避免遭到拒絕和失敗？ 總的來說，完美主義者應該注意的是：自身的行為是否已經影響了其生活。如果答案是肯定的，那么此人可能正在遭受非適應性完美主義的折磨。 應對方法 如果要進行治療，非適應性完美主義者可以試著采用“放棄凡事必須完美”的方法，也就是允許自己在生活中一些“不是很重要”的事項上不必做到盡善盡美，例如櫥柜中物品的擺放。 普萊爾稱，假以時日，這種想法可能會在適當的時候融入工作的某些環(huán)節(jié)中。她補充說，它告訴我們“秉持高標準并不是什么壞事，‘但只要我愿意，我可以隨時對其進行調整，而不是成為這些高標準的奴隸。’” 完美主義者還可以將注意力更多地放在當下。普萊爾說：“完美主義者通常非常看重結果”，但結果的出現，依據不同的目標，可能還需要數個小時或數年的時間。如果完美主義者更加關注整個過程，并將目標分解為更小、更容易管理的階段性目標，那么就會讓整個目標變得更加容易實現。 普萊爾還指出，完美主義者還應該“慶祝每一步所取得的成果”，并避免在這一過程中進行自我批評。 普萊爾說：“我想說的是，盡管這一切聽起來真的很簡單，但對于那些已經存有非適應性或不健康完美主義心態(tài)的人士來說，要做到這一點真的是非常、非常不容易。” 她建議非適應性完美主義者在這一過程中尋求心理咨詢師的幫助。 普萊爾說：“我的很多客戶反復說的一句話是：‘我真希望很久以前就接受這一治療。’我同意你的看法，這樣的話你就不必在這么長的時間中獨自承受這份煎熬了。”（財富中文網） 譯者：Charlie 審校：夏林 |
Hard work and high standards are usually praised in American society. But promoting perfectionism can sometimes harm people’s mental health. Healthy perfectionists “work really hard towards ambitious goals, and have resilience to continue to strive towards those goals even when things get in the way,” Dr. Jessica Pryor, a psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University and faculty member in the university’s graduate counseling program, told Fortune. But people who take perfectionism to an unhealthy degree—what’s known as “maladaptive perfectionism“—react very differently to failure. Whether the goal is related to school, work, or personal life—any progress that is less than perfect deeply affects them. “Individuals may become really frustrated, affected by the fact that they missed those goals, begin to ruminate on them, develop significant levels of self-criticism,” says Pryor. This can lead to a host of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and eating disorders like anorexia. “At its worst, perfectionism can lead to suicidal ideation and suicide attempt,” says Pryor. “It’s a really lonely, painful place to be.” Through her work at Northwestern University, Pryor aims to bring attention to maladaptive perfectionism, often disguised as a strong work ethic. More college students today say they have symptoms that are consistent with perfectionism, a combined product of social learning and heightened parental criticism, exacerbated by the rise of smartphones. According to the American Psychological Association, the number of college students who report feeling the pressure of excessively high expectations by others increased one third between 1989 and 2016. While perfectionism is growing significantly within this younger population, it can impact anyone. Who Does Perfectionism Affect? Studies have shown that the problem is particularly acute among lawyers, physicians, and other high-achieving individuals, Pryor says. “Those of us who have those natural predispositions [towards perfectionism] tend to seek out really rigorous, challenging careers,” says Pryor. “And once we’re in those really rigorous, challenging careers, we also get messages around being better than we are, and positive reinforcement for pushing really, really hard.” Of all generations, millennials are the most suffer from the negative impacts of perfectionism, says Pryor. This could be because this generation’s parents now have the ability to monitor their kids at all hours via smart phone location trackers, creating increased anxiety about behavior and school performance (i.e. parents may ask why a child in college is in the dorms instead of at the library studying). Additionally, the more parents criticize their children, the more those children tend to push themselves to achieve in order to avoid criticism. This is also connected to society as a whole, says Pryor. Instead of viewing failure as a negative experience, Pryor says more people should be taught to embrace mistakes as natural part of learning. “In American society we’ve always had a strong message around work ethic and striving for ambitious goals,” she says. “I think we are doing our current young people a disservice by repeating this message, but doing so in a distorted way… we are giving a lot of messages that perfectionism is perfectly achievable if you want it enough, if you work hard enough—and that is just an illusion.” Perfectionism can also develop as a failed coping mechanism to a preexisting mental health disorder. If you have anxiety about work performance, you may double down on your tasks to an unhealthy degree. Spotting the Signs Along with being a practicing psychologist and professor, Pryor studies the interpersonal implications of perfectionism in her lab. She says maladaptive perfectionists are more likely to withdraw from others, fearing their own high standards are held by everyone, and thus they’ll be judged for their imperfections. They may also procrastinate, being so worried about failure that they refuse to begin the task at all. “At the university level this could be a student who doesn’t turn in a paper, or doesn’t sit for an exam,” says Pryor. “In the professional world, this could be individuals who end up missing deadlines or pushing deadlines back because it’s so difficult for them to engage the task and risk failing at it.” On the other hand, individuals may double down on work as a form of “active coping,” says Pryor. This could be “someone spending increasing amounts of time at their work, at the sacrifice of perhaps their well-being and their self-care.” The key is to look for the individual’s motivation: Are they working extra hours because they enjoy it, or because they’re trying to avoid rejection and failure? Overall, Pryor says perfectionists should be aware whether their actions are impairing their lives. If the answer is yes, the individual may be suffering from maladaptive perfectionism. Treatment To cure themselves, maladaptive perfectionists can experiment with “l(fā)etting go of global perfectionism,” says Pryor. This means allowing yourself to be less than perfect in parts of your life that are “l(fā)ower stakes,” like organizing the kitchen cabinets. Eventually this behavior can be extended to parts of your professional life where it’s appropriate, says Pryor. She added that this teaches that “high standards are okay, ‘But then I can calibrate them when I wish to. I don’t have to be a slave to these high standards.'” Perfectionists can also focus more on being in the moment. “Often perfectionists are very motivated by the outcome,” says Pryor, but that could be either hours or years away, depending on the goal. If the individual is more focused on the process, and breaks the goal into smaller, more manageable pieces, this eases the path towards one’s goal. Pryor adds that individuals should also be “celebrating the accomplishment of each step,” and avoid self-criticism along the way. “I would say all of this sounds really straightforward, and for those who are suffering from maladaptive or unhealthy perfectionism, this is much, much harder than it sounds,” says Pryor. She recommends maladaptive perfectionists seek help from a therapist to help along this process. “I have many clients who say the cliché, ‘I wish I had done this a long time ago,'” says Pryor. “And I agree, you didn’t need to suffer that long alone.” |
