????你出席了一次職業社交活動，也許是一次聯誼會，或者跟以前的同事一起去喝了一杯。你希望談談自己或別人的事業軌跡，以此建立人際網絡，培養辦公室之外的職場關系，甚至有可能借此獲得一個心儀已久的職位。不過當你坐下來之后，話題就偏離了工作范疇，直奔私人領域。

????那時你才意識到，你所參與的不是一次社交酒會，而是一場私人約會。

????職場中有將近40%的員工承認曾與同事有過約會，職業社交與約會之間的界限已經模糊了。盡管許多公司對這類行為都有明文規定，但打著“人際交往”的旗號就沒有這樣的約束了。這片真空地帶已經成為了單身女性在公司里謀求升職的雷區。對于男性而言，這也是灘渾水。不過，正如《商業社交與性：與你想的不同》（Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think）一書的作者伊凡?米斯納所言，女性遭遇這類場合的次數“遠多于男性”。

????如果你不想陷入約會，就要避免安排這類活動。從最初的邀請開始就要想好這個問題。專注于研究兩性關系和文化的教育家、作家和評論家特宛娜?A?海因斯建議網友：“從開始就要搞清楚，你希望會面達到什么樣的效果。”這份清單越詳細越好。“然后在安排會面時明確表達這些想法。”

????會面的準備也很重要。《重塑自己：定義自我品牌，想象你的未來》（Reinventing You: Define Your Brand, Imagine Your Future）一書的作者、個人品牌專家多利?克拉克建議在白天進行職業社交，這樣誤解的空間更少。但她也承認，這種做法并不總是可行。有些人每天朝九晚五，白天工作太忙。克拉克表示，這種情況下要保證自己的著裝職業化。她說：“即便你要與人吃晚飯或是喝點什么，也不要穿得像要出去跳舞一樣。”為了保證安全，她建議：“一定要計劃好正式的會面結束之后去哪里。”

????不過即便是最周詳的計劃也可能出岔子。假如你已經十分努力，卻依然不幸遭遇了約會，也不要忘記自己的職業身份。克拉克說：“在這種情況下，你的首要目標就是保證談話內容不要發展到無功而返，也就是說，對方已經開始和你調情。”如果談話似乎要偏離軌道，試著將它帶回職業話題，或者隨口提起你重要的另一半。（你還沒有找到另一半？根據米斯納的研究，未婚女性佩戴結婚戒指，借此打消男性在職場中的挑逗念頭，這種情況并不罕見。）克拉克和米斯納都建議帶上一位同事，以免遭遇令人不快的浪漫情境。

????假如你已經盡力讓對方知道你的興趣全部在于職場，而不是浪漫的約會，但卻仍然感到對方想要更進一步怎么辦？你還能接受對方的幫助嗎？按照克拉克的說法：“這時就該讓直覺發揮作用了。”

????如果對方是個心懷鬼胎的人，直接轉身離開。不過“如果你覺得對方有著良好的初衷，而不是骯臟的企圖，那么我認為試著誠懇接納對方在工作上的幫助，同時給予對方幫助，不是什么壞事。”??

????You show up to a professional engagement, maybe a networking event or drinks with a former colleague. You expect to talk about your career trajectory or the other person's. You're there to build your network, to foster professional relationships outside of your office, maybe even to talk your way into consideration for a job you've been eyeing. But when you sit down, the conversation steers away from your work interests and heads into personal territory.

????That's when it hits you: You're not enjoying a networking cocktail. You're on a date.

????In a business world where almost 40% of the workforce reports having dated a coworker, the lines between professional socializing and dating are blurry. But while many offices have clear, written policies about this kind of behavior, there are no such rules when it comes to networking. This no-man's-land has turned into a minefield for single women trying to hustle their way up the corporate ladder. The waters are murky for men too, but as Ivan Misner, author of Business Networking and Sex: Not What You Think, notes, women encounter these situations "far more than men."

????If you don't want to find yourself on a date, make sure that that isn't what you're arranging. This begins with the initial invitation. Twanna A. Hines, an educator, writer and commentator who focuses on the relationship between sexuality and culture, advises networkers, "Be clear from the beginning what your intended outcome is for the meeting." The more specific, the better. "So when you're setting it up, express those outcomes."

????The logistics of the meeting matter too. Dorie Clark, a personal branding expert and author of Reinventing You: Define Your Brand, Imagine Your Future, advises keeping professional networking to daytime hours, where there's less room for misinterpretation. But, she admits, this isn't always possible. Some people are simply too busy during standard 9-5 hours. In those cases, Clark says to make sure your attire is professional. "Even if you're meeting someone for dinner or drinks, don't dress like you're going out dancing," she says. And, just to be safe, she advises, "Always have a plan of somewhere that you're planning to go afterwards."

????But even the best laid plans sometimes go awry. If, despite your efforts, you find yourself on an accidental date, all is not professionally lost. "Your top goal in this situation is to try to ensure that the conversation doesn't progress to the point of no return, meaning the person making an explicit pass at you," Clark says. If the conversation seems to be veering in the wrong direction, try to bring it back to professional topics, or casually mention your significant other. (Don't have one? According to Misner's research, it is not uncommon for unmarried women to wear wedding bands to deter men from hitting on them in professional environments.) Clark and Misner both suggest bringing another colleague along to meetings to defuse unwelcome romantic tension.

????What if you've done everything you can to let the other person know your interests are professional and not romantic, but you still sense the person is looking for more? Can you still accept their help? According to Clark, "This is where your gut instinct comes into play."

????If the person is a lost cause, walk away. But, "As long as you think that the person has good intentions rather than malicious ones," Clark says, "I don't see a problem with trying to do your best with integrity, to receive their professional help and to give your professional help to that person."????