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????親愛的安妮：我有一個奇怪的問題，希望您能幫助我。幾周前，我的團隊與另外一只團隊召開了一次大規模會議，我們的上司，他的頂頭上司，以及一位公司高層，都出席了會議。我的上司在介紹由我負責的一個研究項目的結果時，幾個關鍵數據出現了錯誤。這些數據來自報告較早的版本，我們早已對其進行了修改，于是我站起來糾正了這些錯誤。 ????我真的很喜歡和尊重我的上司，我從沒想過要令他尷尬或讓他出丑。我只是下意識說了那些話。但現在，他開始排擠我，甚至都不看我一眼。我真希望爬到桌子底下，永遠也別出來。現在道歉是否為時已晚？如果您是我，您會對他說些什么？——F.S.M. ????親愛的F.S.M.：現在道歉當然不算晚。實際上，《道歉的藝術》（Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies）一書的作者勞倫?M?布魯姆認為：“很明顯，你的老板仍在生你的氣，所以，應該道歉，這沒得選。” ????但在道歉的時候也要謹慎。布魯姆說道：“在辦公室道歉，與在現實生活中道歉有所區別。在辦公室要考慮辦公室政治，在某些情況下，承認錯誤反而會令你丟掉飯碗。”作為一名接受過培訓的律師，她補充道：“一般而言，如果你犯的錯誤可能引發法律訴訟，在承認錯誤之前，應該先咨詢一下法務部門的同事。” ????為她的書做調查時，布魯姆發現，許多人犯了錯誤后，贈送并不適合工作場所的“道歉”禮物，例如一位好心的上司送給助理一束鮮花，但行政部門認為“這是性別歧視，而且是太私人化的情感表示。這種錯誤的道歉方式可能比原先的錯誤更令人反感。” ????那么，你該對冷漠的上司說些什么？在布魯姆看來，每一次有效的道歉都有六個基本特點。首先是真誠，從你的提問來看，這一點你已經具備。大多數人從一英里外就能看出虛情假意的道歉，所以“你必須對自己做過的事情真心感到后悔，并且要毫不含糊地說出來，”布魯姆說道，“從‘對不起’開始。” ????其次，簡明扼要地解釋一下你認為自己做錯了什么事情，你的錯誤就是在高層在場的情況下糾正了上司的錯誤。承認你直言相告的舉動令他很難堪，而這件事也讓你非常難受，同時轉移到第三步：建議下一次面臨這種情況（如果還會再出現的話）時的解決方案，并提出彌補過失的方式。 ????布魯姆說道：“如果在桌子下面小心翼翼地遞給他一張紙條，讓他能夠糾正自己的錯誤，肯定會更好。你可以把它作為下一次面臨同樣情況時的解決方案。” |
????Dear Annie:I have a weird problem that I hope you can help me with. A couple of weeks ago, my team was in a big meeting with another team, our boss, his boss, and a very senior person both managers report to. At one point, my boss was presenting the results of a research project I had worked on, and he got a couple of key figures wrong. The numbers came from an earlier version of the report that we had since revised, so I spoke up and corrected him. ????I really like and respect my boss, and the last thing I intended was to embarrass him or make him look bad. I just spoke without thinking. But now he’s freezing me out and won’t even look at me. I would like to crawl under my desk and stay there, possibly forever. Is it too late to apologize? What would you say to him if you were me? —Foot Stuck in Mouth ????Dear F.S.M.: Eek. It’s certainly not too late to say you’re sorry. In fact, at this point, says Lauren M. Bloom, author of Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies, “Since your boss is obviously still upset with you, not apologizing is not an option.” ????But be careful how you go about it. “Apologizing at the office is not the same as in real life,” Bloom says. Depending on the circumstances, “there’s office politics to think about and, in certain situations, admitting fault can get you fired.” An attorney by training, she adds that “as a rule, in any instance where you’ve made a mistake and there is even the possibility of a lawsuit over it, speak with someone in the legal department before you admit any wrongdoing.” ????While researching her book, Bloom came across people who made matters worse by giving “I’m sorry” gifts inappropriate for the workplace, like one well-meaning boss who gave his assistant a bouquet of flowers. The admin “saw that as both sexist and too personal a gesture,” Bloom observes. “The wrong kind of apology can be more offensive than the original mistake.” ????So, what should you say to your frosty boss? By Bloom’s lights, every effective mea culpa has six essential features. The first one is sincerity, which your question suggests you’ve got covered. Most people can spot a phony apology from a mile away, so “you have to genuinely regret what you did, and say it unequivocally,” says Bloom. “Start with ‘I am sorry.’” ????Second, briefly explain precisely what you believe you did wrong, in this case correcting the boss in the presence of higher-ups. Acknowledge that you embarrassed him by speaking up and you feel rotten about it and, in the next breath, move on to Step Three: Suggest a solution for the next time this situation comes along (if it ever does), and propose a way to make amends. ????“It probably would have been better to discreetly hand him a note under the table so he could correct his own mistake,” Bloom says. “You could mention that as a solution for next time.” |
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