值此婦女節到來之際，我們應該認真討論一下許多職場女性一直在思考的問題：我們能否擁有一切——成功的職業、完美的婚姻、優秀的孩子，親密的朋友？我完全理解這個問題，但為什么人們總是會有這樣的疑問？看看周圍。雖然結婚生子并非成功的絕對先決條件，但多位杰出的女性CEO都已身為人妻，身為人母，比如通用汽車的瑪麗·巴拉，百事可樂公司的盧英德、杜邦公司的艾倫·庫爾曼、惠普公司的梅格·惠特曼和億滋國際的艾琳·羅森菲爾德。

所以，在今年的婦女節，我們不想讓年輕女性們瘋狂地決定能否該同時擁有高管職位和孩子。相反，讓我們談論一些顯而易見的事情，這也是筆者自己的經驗：作為媽媽（或者爸爸）并不會影響你進步的機會。事實上，你反而會從中受益。

以下是我作為一名母親學到的八條經驗。這些經驗幫助我變成更好的同事和上司。

談判無處不在。

作為一名母親，我學會了在面對任何人和任何事情的時候，如何成為更出色的談判者。我每天都在利用這些技能，無論是為公司贏得有利的合同條款，還是讓11歲的女兒穿裙子去教堂（這是今年的事情——但只是因為她要搭配自己最喜歡的亮粉色Dr. Marten靴子）。

你不必知道所有問題的答案——問題本身便有巨大的作用。

每天都要面對無止境的問題，讓我掌握了好奇心的力量，我將提問和探索變成了一種管理技巧。如果你像我一樣經常更換市場和角色，你肯定不可能知道所有問題的答案。

在職業初期，這種情況讓我毫無安全感。但經過十多年不間斷的“打擊”，無論是精通技術的丹麥丈夫詢問我的IT需求（我一直都分不清軟件與硬件的區別），還是16歲繼子提出的嘻哈音樂問題（你真的以為我能告訴他Death Row唱片公司有哪些簽約歌手嗎？），我已經能坦然接受不知道所有問題的答案這一現實。

即便我對手頭任務的直接經驗或知識有限，我依舊可以領導團隊，增加價值。那么，我是怎么做的？明確自己“知之”和“不知”的領域，然后深入探索。你會驚奇地發現，只要你能提出有見地的問題，你便能發現強大的見解和潛在的議題。

與眾不同再好不過，它不是壞事。

作為媽媽，我學會了與眾不同是好事。在有孩子之前，我通常會創建“小我”的團隊。現在我知道，你挑選的團隊成員看待事物的觀點，不一定與你完全一樣，團隊成員應該有互補的（而不是雷同的）能力和性格，這才是更合理的做法。透過別人的眼睛去看世界，就像我經常從孩子們的角度思考問題一樣，可以幫助我想出新的想法，更好的解決方案，實現更好的結果。

耐心指導、悉心培養和以身作則，強于說教。

最優秀的領導者（和最好的媽媽）都知道，你不能只是告訴人們應該做什么。你要耐心指導，悉心培養，精心指導，以身作則。最困難的是如何讓人們在沒有你的情況，完成自己的事情。

在家里，我每年秋天都要面臨的最簡單但也最艱難的考驗之一，是讓當時只有9歲的女兒每天自己遛狗。多年來，我一直在告誡她陌生人的危險。我會親自給她演示，當有人靠近她時應該如何應對。我會不厭其煩地告訴她，不要因為“可愛的小狗”或者“受傷的父母”這些套話而上當受騙。但相信我，每當她蹦蹦跳跳地領著我們家可愛的小狗走出家門，跑到街上，消失在我的視線之外時，我都會忐忑不安。

在工作中，最大的挑戰更有可能是如何培養繼任者。我基本上也會做同樣的事情。我不會只告訴他們應該做什么；我會以身作則。我帶他們一起參加會議。我幫助他們進行內容開發——并不是直接參與，而是提出一些建議或問題。我幫助他們練習產品交付。之后，我會讓他們自己去CEO或董事會前進行第一次個人展示。這種做法并不痛苦，因為我希望他們獲得成功，另外，也是因為這是他們唯一可以真正學習的途徑，能夠證明他們已經做好獨自飛翔的準備。

不要為小事擔心

身為母親，我學會了，要擔心或防止每一件事情都不出錯，這是不可能的。請相信我，我曾經嘗試過！。所以，我現在盡量專注于真正重要的事情，將其他事情放到一邊。在家里的規矩是“不能有永久傷害”。所以，對我的女兒來說，染藍頭發是可以接受的，但不能給身體穿孔。而對于我的下屬，我關注的是結果，而不是產出過程。只要他們的方法是有效的，并且符合公司的政策與價值觀，我就不會強迫他們“按照我的方式去做”。相反，我只關注他們取得了怎樣的成果，而不是中間的過程。

沒有情商，僅有智商是不夠的。

身為人母讓我學會了“情商”與“智商”同樣重要。我算是個聰明人，但我總是有一種緊迫感，以至于無法與周圍的人建立聯系。但毫無疑問，我現在更能理解他人。讓人們知道，我在他們身上投入了私人的情感，不僅有助于建立更深入的理解，也能培養信任和團隊精神。

人際關系很重要。

作為母親，我學會了長期成功取決于建立關系，但不能僅看關系的數量。我以前總是忙于“把事情做好”，沒有真正關注過別人。現在，我知道數量與質量同樣重要。人際關系并非可選元素，它是成功的關鍵。

你不能只想自己。

最后但并非最不重要的一條是，身為母親讓我學會了，領導者不僅要追求職業成功，也要努力實現個人價值。最初，我們很容易忘我地投入到工作之中，從不考慮其他所有事情。我認為，有幾年時間能完全專注于工作是好事。但歸根結底，我之所以認為身為人母有助于培養出更優秀的CEO，是因為盡管她們對工作有強迫癥（相信我，在一定程度上，優秀的CEO都有強迫癥），但她們也知道除了做一位CEO，生活中還有其他事情。我給大家講講我在卡夫食品公司與艾琳·羅森菲爾德共事6年期間經歷的一件事。

在這六年間，我非常敬佩艾琳。我發現她非常聰明，能力突出，勇于承擔責任。除此之外，她將卡夫食品拆分成兩家獨立的上市公司的決定，證明她能夠將公司利益置于個人利益之上。將一家公司一分為二，現在已經很常見，但在2011年艾琳決定拆分時，這種做法可謂開創之舉。當時，并非每一位CEO都愿意“縮小”公司規模（按照當時流行的“越大越好”的標準，他們更不愿意職業地位受影響），即便這樣做是正確的。我想，正是由于她的為人，以及擔任卡夫食品CEO并非她的全部生活這個事實，才使得她能夠后退一步，問自己：現在怎么做才是正確的——不是我自己，而是為公司？

這種讓你全力以赴，并將自我放在一邊的能力，或許才是身為人母讓我學會的最寶貴的經驗。這也是商界領袖最重要的一課，因為領導者最終必須清楚，“他人”比我們自身更加重要。

媽媽們都深知這一點。所以，你可以想象這種能力在管理中的作用。（財富中文網）

本文作者佩里·耶特曼是Perry Yeatman Global Partners LLC 公司CEO，著有《走出去，取得成功》（Get Ahead by Going Abroad）一書。此外，她還在致力于測量社會效益的Mission Measurement公司擔任主合伙人兼首席營銷官。

譯者：劉進龍/汪皓

審校：任文科

As Women’s Day approaches, it’s a good time to take a closer look at a question on the minds of many working women: Can we have it all — great careers, great marriages, great kids, great friends? I fully understand the question but not why we keep asking it. Look around. While it’s not an absolute prerequisite to being successful, all of these very prominent female CEOs – Mary Barra at General Motors , Indra Nooyi at Pepsi , Ellen Kullman at DuPont , Meg Whitman at Hewlett-Packard and Irene Rosenfeld Mondelez – are married and have kids.

So this Women’s Day, instead of making our young women crazy trying to decide if they can possibly have C-suite jobs and kids, let’s celebrate what the evidence – and certainly my own experience – suggests: Being a mom (or a dad for that matter) doesn’t have to hurt your chances of getting ahead. In fact, it can help.

Here are 8 lessons I learned as a mom that have made me a better colleague and boss.

Everything is a negotiation

Being a mom taught me how to be a better negotiator — with anyone and about anything. I use these skills daily – on everything from securing favorable contract terms for my company to getting my 11-year-old daughter to wear a dress to church (it happened this year – but only because she got to pair it with her favorite hot pink Dr. Marten boots).

You don’t have to know all the answers – questions are powerful

Being barraged by endless questions taught me the power of curiosity and to use questioning and probing as a management technique. When you change markets and roles as often as I have, it’s a given that you won’t have all the answers. Early on in my career, that made me feel insecure. But after more than a decade facing a barrage of questions about my IT needs from my tech-savvy Danish husband (I barely know the difference between software and hardware) or inquiries from my then 16-year-old stepson about hip-hop music (do you really think I could enlighten him about people who sing for Death Row Records?), I’ve grown comfortable not knowing all the answers. I can now lead teams and add value even when I have limited direct experience or knowledge of the subject at hand. How? By being clear about what I know and what I don’t know and by probing deeply. You’d be amazed how often you can uncover powerful insights and potential issues just by asking intelligent questions.

Different isn’t bad – it’s better

Motherhood also taught me that different is good. Before I had kids, I often created teams of “mini-MEs.” Now I know that it’s far better to pick people that don’t necessarily see things exactly as I do and have complementary – not identical – skills and temperaments. Looking at the world through other’s eyes, like I do through the eyes of my children, helps me come up with new ideas, better solutions and better results.

Coaching, nurturing and role-modeling get you further than lecturing

The best leaders (and best moms) know that it isn’t just about telling people what to do. It’s a lot more about coaching, nurturing, guiding and role-modeling. And then, toughest of all sometimes, it’s about letting them go do their thing without you. At home, one of the simplest but most difficult tests I faced last Fall was letting my then 9-year-old daughter walk the dog by herself. For years, I’d told her all about stranger danger. I’d role-played with her on what to do if someone approached her. I went into detail about how not to fall for the “cute puppy” or “hurt parent” routine. But trust me when she went bounding out the door, down the street and out of sight with our little white ball of fluff of a dog, my heart was in my throat.

At work, it’s more likely that I’m grooming one of my people to become my successor. There, I basically do the same things. I don’t just tell them what to do; I show them. I take them to meetings with me. I help with their content development – not by doing it but by suggesting edits or asking questions. I help them practice their delivery. I do all this and then I send them in for their first solo presentation to the CEO or the Board. It’s nerve racking, because I want them to succeed, but I do it anyway because it’s the only way they can really learn and prove that they are ready to fly without me.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Being a mom taught me it’s not physically possible to worry about or prevent every single thing that could go wrong (believe me, I have tried!). So, now I try to remain laser-focused on what really matters and to let the rest go. At home, the rule is “no permanent damage.” (So for my daughter, blue hair is okay…body piercings, not so much.) With my direct reports, it’s about focusing on outcomes, not outputs. As long as their approach is efficient, effective and in keeping with company policies and values, I’ve given up trying to get everybody to “do it my way.” Instead, I look at what they achieve much more than how they achieve it.

IQ without EQ isn’t enough

Having kids taught me that “EQ” (emotional intelligence) is as important as “IQ.” I was always smart, but I was so driven I wasn’t always connecting with my people. Now I am undoubtedly more empathetic to others. And their knowing that I’m personally invested in them helps not only build better understanding but also trust and team spirit.

Relationships matter

Tied to that, having kids taught me that long-term success depends on building relationships, not just hitting your numbers. I used to be too busy “getting it done” to really invest in others. Now I know you must do both. Relationships aren’t optional; they’re critical.

It’s not just about you

Last but certainly not least, being a mom taught me about how important it is for all leaders to not only strive for professional success but personal fulfillment as well. Early on, it’s so easy to get caught up in your career at the expense of everything else. And I think some years fully focused on work are good. But at the end of the day, the reason I think moms make better CEOs is that they realize that as compulsive as they are about their work (and believe me leading CEOs are all compulsive, in the best sense of the word) they also know that there is more to life than being CEO. Let me share one example from my six years (2006-2012) working with Irene Rosenfeld at Kraft Foods.

During those years, I grew to respect Irene tremendously. I found her super smart, highly capable and utterly committed. But even beyond that, her decision to split Kraft Foods into two separate public companies demonstrated that she could put company interests ahead of her own. It’s more common now, but back in 2011 when Irene announced the split, it was almost unheard of. Back then, not every CEO would’ve willingly “shrunk” their company (and by the prevailing “bigger is better” standard of the time, their professional stature) even if it was the right thing to do. But I think that because of who she is as a person and the fact that being the CEO of Kraft Foods wasn’t the only thing in her life (she has a husband, two daughters and many important commitments beyond her “day job”), it was possible for her to step back and ask herself: what’s the right thing to do here – not for me, but for the company?

This ability to give it your all but also put your ego aside is perhaps the most valuable thing motherhood teaches us. It’s also the greatest lesson business leaders can learn because in the end, leaders must understand that it’s not about us, it’s about them.

Moms know this. Think about the power of that in the C-suite.

Perry Yeatman is the CEO of Perry Yeatman Global Partners LLC and author of Get Ahead by Going Abroad. She is also a principal and chief marketing officer of Mission Measurement, a company that measures social outcomes.