作為千禧一代的代表，我參加過一個名為“下一代人才”的專題討論會。我喜歡研究和討論這類話題，因為它能讓所有人都興奮起來。千禧一代感覺所有人都對他們擺出一副居尊俯就的樣子，X一代則認為他們被無視了，而嬰兒潮一代卻對千禧一代做的每一件事都看不順眼。

（需要說明一下：千禧一代是指1980年至1999年出生的一代，X一代指1965年至1979年出生的一代，嬰兒潮一代是指1946年至1964年出生的一代。）

盡管“代際臆想癥”隨處可見，但并沒有科學證據(jù)證明，代際差異實際存在。有無數(shù)項研究顯示，如果存在代際差異，其原因很可能與生活階段有關，并不能代表每一代人不可改變的特征。例如，一名千禧一代員工提前下班，可能并不是因為這代人不喜歡長時間工作，而是因為他要去幼兒園接孩子。

然而，根據(jù)我們千禧一代從父母老師那里得到的無數(shù)贊揚，我們已經(jīng)被打上了“自我的一代”的標簽。在研討會期間，許多觀眾憤怒地表示，千禧一代是“過度以自我為中心的自戀狂”（直接引用原話）。一位X一代CEO說出下面一番話后，贏得了熱烈的掌聲：“該死的小家伙們，你們并不是都擅長足球！你們并不是都應當獲得獎章！你們有些人簡直太差勁了！”

他的話說到我心里去了。

不論在工作單位還是在家中，以自我為中心確實都是成功的敵人。有研究確認，以自我為中心的員工，會毫無根據(jù)地肯定自己的能力和貢獻，他們感覺自己理應得到未能贏得的東西，甚至認為上司在虐待他們。此外，對于自己的工作，他們的滿意度也更低，更有可能表現(xiàn)不佳、尋釁滋事和出現(xiàn)不道德行為。

但是否有確切證據(jù)顯示，相比其他年齡段在相同年紀時的表現(xiàn)，千禧一代更加以自我為中心？在這方面，這項研究卻含糊其辭。也有一些研究支持這種觀點。一項EY研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，68%的千禧一代以自我為中心（但他們并沒有對相同年紀時的X一代和嬰兒潮一代進行統(tǒng)計）。其他研究認為，千禧一代并沒有比前輩們更加以自我為中心。另外，還有研究指出，X一代也有同樣的問題！

一項研究分析了上世紀50年代至80年代期間，高中生們對于“我很重要”這種觀點的看法。在50年代，僅有12%同意這種觀點；至1989年（當時正是X一代的高中時代），這一比例增至80%。

那么，這個結果意味著什么？我的觀點是，整個世界都在變化，而不僅僅是我們千禧一代：我們的社會正在誘使各年齡段的人變成自戀狂！在我即將出版的新書中，我把這種現(xiàn)象稱之為“自我崇拜”。

導致這種情況的原因不難想象：科技、電視和社交媒體。但這些原因?qū)θ祟愋袨榈挠绊懹卸嗌睿蛟S會讓許多人感到意外。例如，有研究顯示，頻繁發(fā)短信的人更少進行自我反省。經(jīng)常自拍的人，與人的關系更膚淺。看電視真人秀與自我專注有直接的關系。甚至有證據(jù)證明，使用社交媒體會導致自戀。有一項研究將參與者隨機分成兩組：一組瀏覽自己的MySpace頁面（讓你回想起過去了吧？），另一組則被安排上網(wǎng)沖浪。瀏覽MySpace的參與者，自戀傾向很快便開始上升！

盡管幾乎所有人都希望我們并不推崇這種“自我崇拜”，但我們都是時代的產(chǎn)物。最近，我和丈夫在一家新餐廳吃飯。鄰桌有一群年輕的女孩，在某一刻，我看到她們每個人都在自拍。當時我就震驚了。

我發(fā)牢騷說：“真是一群自戀狂。”我丈夫頓了一下，然后面無表情地說：“某人昨天還被我抓到在谷歌上搜自己的名字，今天竟然說出這樣的話，真是有意思。”我甚至都沒有辯解說，我只是在搜索一篇我之前寫過的文章。因為他說的有道理。

但希望依舊存在。領導者、職業(yè)人士甚至父母都可以打破這種“自我崇拜”，以下是對管理者的一些建議。

1. 強調(diào)溫情而不是特殊性。

一些有趣的證據(jù)證明，溫情或許可以成為“以自我為中心”的解毒劑。研究人員詢問父母，他們是否認為自己的孩子比其他孩子更加特殊。6個月后，他們對孩子們的自戀傾向進行了一番測量（使用“像我這樣的孩子應該得到更多”這類問題）。結果發(fā)現(xiàn)，獲得家長過高估計的孩子會更加傾向于以自我為中心。強調(diào)溫情而不是獨特性的家長（告訴孩子“我愛你”而不是“你很特別”）的孩子，對自己很滿意，但不會感覺自己高人一等。

在工作中，你可以表示對團隊成員的支持和欣賞（我感謝各位所做的一切），而不是去撩撥他們的獨特性感覺（“你是這個團隊中最優(yōu)秀的初級分析師”）。

2. 設定明確的預期。

研究人員保羅·哈維認為，另一個導致自我為中心的原因是未滿足的預期。要想解決這個問題，領導者（和父母）可以完全透明地說出他們期望的努力、績效和行為。例如，“我希望你在未來三個月將客戶基數(shù)增加10%，”或者“我讓你打掃房間，是說整理床鋪，把衣服放在筐子里。”

這樣一來，其他人便沒有余地對真正的標準進行“創(chuàng)造性地解釋”。

3. 提供有創(chuàng)造性的、無法預知的獎勵。

我曾有一位客戶，連續(xù)兩個周五都出人意料地用百吉餅來獎勵團隊的努力工作。到了第三個周五，她沒有帶早餐，結果一位優(yōu)秀員工來到她的辦公室。他問道：“我們的百吉餅在哪兒呢？”

提供可預知的獎勵，會在無意中使員工產(chǎn)生以自我為中心的心態(tài)。我并不是說你應該抑制對團隊成員的欣賞，但為了防止他們變成一群以自我為中心的牢騷大王，連早上準時上班都想要獲得獎勵，你一定要保證他們必須通過努力才能獲得獎勵，并且要提供無法預知的獎品。我們的百吉餅領導人其實可以在周三給大家提供咖啡，在下周五發(fā)放百吉餅。拜托，要有點變化呀！

4. 切莫養(yǎng)虎為患。

盡管對于管理者是否會增加員工以自我為中心的意識這一問題，各方眾說紛紜，莫衷一是（我認為有可能），但也有研究認為，干擾這類員工的行為，可能會讓問題變得更糟糕。幸運的是，既不鼓勵也不懲罰這些行為，或許可以幫助他們表現(xiàn)得更為合理。例如，根據(jù)你所設定的明確預期，你可以就對方是否達到了預期提供反饋，如果沒有達到預期，要讓他們承擔后果。

5. 做好采取果斷措施的準備。

在某些情況下，做到上述幾點的領導者，依舊可能遇到認為自己優(yōu)于其他人的員工。這時候，最好記住《平靜禱文》：“主啊，請賜我勇氣，去改變我所能改變的一切；賜我平靜，去接受我不能改變的一切；賜我智慧，去分辨兩者的不同。”

有時候，對于領導者、團隊甚至員工來說，最好的做法是幫助他們找到更好的機會。很顯然，最后一條建議僅適用于職場。俗話說得好，你可以選擇朋友（以及自己的員工），但你無法選擇家人！

最后，不論以自我為中心的員工屬于哪一代人，在產(chǎn)生疑問的時候，要記住：領導者獎勵和容忍什么樣的行為，別人便會有什么樣的行為。這是永恒不變的真理。（財富中文網(wǎng)）

譯者：劉進龍/汪皓

審校：任文科

Last week, I served as the token millennial on a panel discussing “The Next Generation of Talent.” I love researching and speaking about this topic because it always gets everyone lathered up. Millennials feel patronized, Gen Xers feel overlooked, and baby boomers are usually incensed about everything the millennials do. (To keep everyone age referenced, millennials were born between 1980 and 1999, Gen Xers between 1965 and 1979, and baby boomers between 1946 and 1964.)

Despite the “generational hysteria” we see just about everywhere, few scientifically-supported generational differences actually exist. Countless studies show that if there are differences, it’s more likely due to life-stage than immutable characteristics of each cohort. For example, a millennial might leave work early not because his generation shuns long hours, but because he has to pick up his toddler from day care.

But based on the endless praise we millennials supposedly received from our parents and teachers, we have been labeled the “Me Generation.” During our panel, multiple audience members indignantly observed that millennials are “overly-entitled narcissists” (a direct quote). One Xer CEO got a loud round of applause for declaring, “Dammit kids, you’re not all good at soccer! You don’t all deserve a ribbon! Some of you actually kind of suck!”

I’d say he struck a nerve.

At work and at home, it’s true that entitlement is the enemy of success. Research confirms that entitled employees have unjustified positive opinions about their talents and contributions, feel deserving of things they haven’t earned, and even see their supervisors as abusive. They’re also less satisfied with their jobs, more likely to underperform, pick fights and behave unethically.

But is there conclusive evidence that millennials are more entitled than other generations at the same age? The research is equivocal at best. Some studies support the argument. One EY study found that 68 percent of millennials are entitled (though they didn’t measure Xers and boomers at the same age). Other research suggests that millennials are no more entitled than previous generations. Still other work indicts Xers for the same problem!

One study analyzed high schoolers’ response to the question “I am an important person” between the 1950s and the 1980s. In the 1950s, only 12 percent agreed; by 1989 (i.e., when the Xers were in high school), that number jumped to roughly 80 percent.

So what does all of this mean? My belief is our world is changing, not just the millennials: our society is increasingly tempting all ages to become entitled narcissists! In my forthcoming book, I call it the Cult of Self.

The causes are exactly what you’d expect: Technology. Television. Social media. But what might be surprising is just how much they’re influencing our behavior. For example, studies have shown that frequent texters are less reflective. People who take selfies haveshallower relationships. Watching reality TV is directly related to self-absorption. There’s even evidence that social media use causesnarcissism. One study randomly assigned participants to one of two groups: half spent time on their MySpace page (really takes you back, doesn’t it?) and half surfed the Internet. Those who spent time on MySpace showed immediate increases in narcissism!

As much as everyone wants to believe that we don’t worship the Cult of Self, we are all products of our time. I was recently having dinner with my husband at a hot new restaurant. There was a gaggle of young women at the table next to us, all of whom at one point were taking selfies. I was horrified.

“What a bunch of narcissists,” I grumbled. My husband paused for a moment and deadpanned, “That’s an interesting comment coming from someone I caught Googling herself yesterday.” I didn’t even bother justifying my behavior by telling him that I was trying to find an old article I wrote. He had a point.

But there’s hope. Leaders, professionals and even parents can fight the Cult of Self. How Managers Can Banish Entitlement

1. Emphasize warmth over specialness.

There is some intriguing evidence that warmth might be one antidote to entitlement. Researchers asked parents whether they thought their child was special compared to other children. Six months later, they measured the child’s narcissism (with questions like “Kids like me deserve something extra”). The more parents overvalued their children, the more entitled their children behaved. But parents who emphasized warmth over distinctiveness (telling them “I love you” instead of “you’re special”) raised children who were happy with who they are but didn’t feel superior to others.

At work, one might express support and appreciation for your team members (“I’m so thankful for all you do”) over playing to their feelings of uniqueness (“You’re the best junior analyst we’ve ever had on this team”).

2. Set crystal clear expectations.

According to researcher Paul Harvey, another cause of entitlement can be unmet expectations. Leaders (and parents) can combat this through complete transparency about the effort, performance and behaviors they expect. For example, “I expect that you grow your client base by 10 percent in the next three months,” or “When I tell you to clean your room, it means to make your bed and put your clothes in the hamper”.

This leaves less room for creative interpretation of what the standards really are.

3. Make rewards creative and unpredictable.

I once had a client who, two Fridays in a row, decided to reward her team’s hard work with surprise bagels. The third Friday, when she didn’t bring in breakfast, one of her top employees appeared in her office. “Where,” he demanded, “are our bagels?”

Providing predictable rewards can unwittingly breed entitlement. I’m not saying that you should withhold appreciation, but to prevent your team from becoming a bunch of entitled whiners who want a prize just for showing up in the morning, make sure they earn it, and make rewards unpredictable. Our bagel leader could have brought in coffee on a Wednesday and bagels the next Friday. Mix things up for goodness sake!

4. Don’t feed the beast.

Though the jury is still out as to whether managers can increase employee entitlement (I think it can), some research hints that playing into the behavior of entitled people makes the problem much worse. Luckily, not rewarding or even punishing entitled behavior might help them behave more reasonably. Building on the clear expectations you’ve set, for example, you can provide feedback about whether the person is indeed meeting expectations, and create consequences if they’re not.

5. Be prepared to act decisively.

In some cases, leaders who are doing everything listed above may still have an employee who feels superior to others. Here, it’s best to remember the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Sometimes the best thing for the leader, the team and even the employee is to help them find a better opportunity. Obviously, this last piece of advice applies only to the workplace. As the saying goes, you can choose your friends (and often your employees) but you can’t choose your family!

Finally, regardless to which generation an entitled employee belongs, when in doubt, remember: Leaders receive the behavior they reward and tolerate. Always.