????Remember the talking cars of the 1970s, certain Japanese models that reminded you to fasten your seat-belts and so forth in an annoying automated voice? They were laughed out of existence in a few short years.

????But now one has returned and this time in a brand renown for its hipness. This voice speaks with a British accent, but it is hardly an improvement, and you pay extra for it too. To find out the identity of the guilty party, read on.

????With some rewriting of history, MINI is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year, even though its current owner, BMW, is unrelated to the British Motor Corp. that introduced the Mini in 1959, and BMW's MINI Cooper is mechanically unrelated to the original car.

????At a time when Mini's sales finally require artificial stimulation in the form of subsidized leases and cut-rate financing, the company is offering accessory packages, like the $4,500 Camden package on my test vehicle.

????The package includes different paint, interior trim , wheels, and headlights, and one feature not found on the window sticker: Mission Control.

????Press a small lighted button in the secondary glove compartment and you get voices -- voices that monitor functions in the car and give you feedback, some helpful, some humorous. A woman's voice welcomes you when you push the start/stop button and lets you know when the engine has warmed up; a man's voice shouts "Geronimo" while you accelerate.

????There are said to be 1,500 different responses, but my guess is the joke will wear thin long before you have exhausted them all, though small children will likely be enthralled.

????Otherwise, the charms of the Cooper S remain intact. The gimmicky instrument panel isn't aging gracefully, but the Cooper S is quick, nimble, and exceedingly fun to drive.

????Equipped with a six-speed manual, the Mini ranks close to Mazda's MX-5 Miata in giggles per mile. Fuel economy is an exemplary 26 miles per gallon city/34 mpg highway.

????Mini was a pacesetter in demonstrating that buyers will pay a premium for a small car they feel is special. But the as-tested price of $28,000 for the Camden edition feels a little too premium.

????My advice is go with the original car, which has a base price of $22,300, and let Mission Control try out its jokes on somebody else.